Life’s current shifts rapidly. It isn’t like the ocean tide creeping up the shore until it swells to its fullest. There’s a period of pause and then a flurry – a whirlwind, really – of activity. At least, with the big life changes… especially the major and positive ones.
It is a little like being on the sandbar as the tide comes in.
At first, the water approaches so slowly it as if there isn’t any movement at all. Nothing is happening. Then, suddenly, the water has engulfed swaths of the sandbar and the water between me and the shore is up to my waist.
Life feels like that sometimes.
There are periods of time that feel as though I’ve just…. Stopped. Nothing is happening or it is happening so slow I feel as though I’m stationary, moving no where and in direction. This is just the surface pause while the tide comes in to carry me on. There is an undercurrent I’m unaware of that is acting on my life. I’m only suddenly v e r y aware of it when the tide swells to its fullest and the pause transforms into harried activity.
That’s how my graduate school journey begin.
And that’s how things are as I find myself opening the door to the next chapter of my journey.
The energy is good! Wonderful, really, albeit overwhelming. My ever-constant hum of anxiety tends to feel it and decide instead of humming it needs to s c r e a m.
(“Hey! Hey, Katie! DID YOU HEAR? You’re anxious! More than normal. Did you know you have a lot going on?! DID YOU KNOW YOU’RE ANXIOUS.”
*Plugs ears and winces*
“Thanks for the update. I’m aware.”)
So, I have to set boundaries, for my own wellbeing. Things like…
✓ Make a priorities list and an “after” list, that way they aren’t in my head. Make an action plan that focuses on the priorities list first and only get to the after if there’s time.
✓ Stop saying “should.” (“I should do this. I should do that.” No, no. Just take a lesson from Yoda. Do. There is only do. Whatever doesn’t get done that day is tomorrow’s priority.)
✓ TAKE BREAKS. 10-15 minutes between tasks.
✓ NO WORKING ON BREAKS. (Capitalized, underlined, highlighted, and bolded to remind myself to listen to that one.)
✓ Doodle-doodle-doodle to unwind the thought spirals.
✓ No work after 9pm.
✓ No computer after 9:30pm, either. (The brain just loooves to scroll when it is anxious.)
✓ Move my body – yoga, walking, whatever it is – daily.
✓ Morning meditations are non-negotiable and MUST come before I pick up my phone.
✓ Reach out to connect with at least 3 friends a day.
✓ Be gentle and have grace for myself.
When anxiety screams so loud I cannot focus?
That’s when it is time to STEP AWAY.
To breathe.
To remove myself from the situation for a short time.
To do something else and return when I’m refreshed.
To do what I lovingly call a little Productive Procrastination.
Procrastination is so villainized. It is considered a negative activity. “Oh, you’re procrastinating? Well, you should be doing (insert life demand here).” And, okay, if you’re always procrastinating, that might be a little bit of a warning sign of something that needs addressing. Like everything else in life, procrastination is beneficial in moderation. It can help you feel refreshed and productive in a different way.
Right now, my mile-long to-do list looms with a wagging finger, “You should be doing me!”
But, although nose-to-the-grindstone feels productive when I’m overwhelmed, my mental capacity isn’t there. If 90% of me is screaming, only 20% of me can actually work. I will take longer, be less productive, and have less focus on the task at hand. Stepping away until I’m refreshed gives me back space to focus. Only 30% of me is screaming. The other 70% can get to work.
I’ll get more done in the long run, even if the physical hours are less.
I want to believe pushing through is the most productive thing… but it is not. It is the lie I tell myself to try to appease the Anxiety Monster when, really, the Anxiety Monster’s screams are just a cry for extra care. When it roars, I need to be gentle on myself – not push harder. For me, it is by being gentle that the monster becomes less a monster and more…. Tame. It is still my Anxiety Monster, but it is more manageable. (A little like the abominable snowman from Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer.)
Honestly, I often believe it is even more manageable simply because I’ve filled my cup enough to bolster against how draining it can be.
(Don’t get me wrong, I’ve done my fair share of playing the Netflix Binge > Study or Reading All Day > Tackling my To-Do list, which is a lot more of a round-about-way to get rest than directly Filling Me Up. 😛 Sometimes that’s important, too.)
And that, my friends, is how I found myself at the beach yesterday, with a chaga chai latte in hand, writing and art in my lap, sand under my feet, and the crashing waves as my soundtrack for the afternoon.
Anxiety was screaming. My cup needed some filling.
I did work before I left.
I did work when I came home.
For a few precious hours, though, I left the work at home and stayed present in the moment to fill my soul.
And you know what?
I got so much more done than I ever would’ve if I’d just stayed home and “powered through.” The locks on my creativity were undone. My energy and motivation is replenished.
I am more prepared to let the swelling tide carry me back to shore.
That’s the power of procrastination.
Someday – very, very soon – I hope to be able to share with you all of the exciting things to come. There’s still so much to do, however! So, stay tuned.
Until then…
🌸What do you do to nurture yourself when life’s current is overwhelming?
🌸How are y o u going to indulge in a little procrastination this weekend?
xoxo,
