A friend recently posed this question on her twitter account. Immediately, I knew my answer: “To be able to buy all the books I want & have a place where I can sit out in nature and write/paint daily, garden, & farm. It’s the books and nature for me!”
(Now, there’s a laundry list of other things, including, you know, good health, doing my part to cultivate a kinder world, and having a strong community of soul-friends. But in a perfect world, without other demands or constraints, if I distill down my vision, this is the simple truth. Books and nature are an essential part of my being.)
I cannot say that answer would’ve always come so easily.
The heart and brain get all tangled up sometimes. Other times they’re drowned out by noise.
And then, amidst it all, we change so much over the decades.
Okay, so, maybe not exactly on the decade mark, per se. But, the sentiment remains. Where I am now, at 27, is far different than where I’d imagine myself in my teens or early twenties. Who I am now is even more different. Parts stayed the same, some were enhanced, while others were revised or swapped out completely.
As I changed, so have my goals.
If I had to pick themes for the TwentyThirties they’d be: growth, change, and discovery. Not that these themes cannot be in every decade of life, but these years have felt a lot like traveling on a bridge between life phases. There is this flurry of activity that happens in your twenties – especially the mid-to-late twenties, in my case – that is so different from what we’ve faced so far. (Pandemic aside, of course… there’s a lot of change and pivoting for everyone there!) So much time and activity during this period is spent determining what you really want / what your vision for life is vs. the vision others – or society – has had for you.
We’re nudged in directions sometimes in such a subtle manner that we never even notice it. By necessities. By family. By friends. By society. It is hard to know where you and your goals begin and others’ end – especially in a social media picture-perfect age where everyone’s virtual lives look better than your own and every post tells you you’re missing something. Health. Fitness. Adventure. Fashion. Gadgets. Friends. Leisure. Money. Relationships.
Also, the world is *gestures widely*
There’s so much noise that drowns out the parts of us that speak softly or needs to be held tenderly. All that noise can help the heart and head to get all knotted up and confused.
When a group of friends and I turned 25, I remember us talking about going through “a quarter-life crisis.” The comment was made with some levity regarding being at a crossroads in Life Choices. We were all going through massive shifts. This exact shift of identifying what we wanted, what was important, and what our dreams looked without the lenses they’d been previously clouded by. While we were going through life – focusing on current careers, college, family, life – we found ourselves trying to deconstruct our goals and dreams, as well as the motivations behind them, so we could define more precise ones moving forward.
As we grew, changed, and discovered more, our goals also changed.
In many ways, it feels like I’ve continued through this process for the last nearly 3 years, peeling back layers at a time. (Honestly, it’ll be a lifelong process of evaluating and refining.)
For me, the core question behind identifying every goal is: Who would I be – or what would I want -before the world told me how it’d be?
Here’s how I’m figuring it out: I pay attention to what brings me joy.
Marie Kondo knows what’s up. Not just for our closets, but also our lives! Similar to going through your closet and asking yourself, “Does this spark joy?” I’m going through my life goals and plans deciding which really ignited my inner light.
It has helped me breakdown my goals into 3 categories:
- Which goals no longer bring joy?
- Which goals are fleeting thoughts?
- Which goals fill my heart with such passion and joy that I cannot imagine being without?
No joy anymore? Get outta here, old goal!
As for the fleeting thoughts and Joy-Inspiring goals, well, they get a different treatment.
It is one thing to think “it’d be fun to….” but another for me to think “my soul craves….”/“my soul would feel incomplete without…” One is a fleeting thought, the other is Joy-Inspiring and essential to me. Both are kept. Each type of goal gets added to a list. I never want to forget about goals or dreams whose potentiality is still in alignment. Until it no longer brings joy, it stays on a list. However, I leave opportunity for the Fleeting Goals to grow, change, or move on while I emphasize the important ones. The Joy-Inspiring Goals are then broken down, whenever possible, into specific micro-goals to move me along the path toward them.
(Fun fact: Often, the Joy-Inspiring Goals are the ones from childhood, before society or doubt started whispering in my ear. They’re also often the simplest and broadest.)
So, now I recognize the release I feel when I put my pen to paper, the swelling of my heart at the sight of our flock foraging around me, the contentment with my hands in the soil, the joy at helping another find their footing along their health journey. Those joys are all me. Now, I’ve just got to chase them wherever they might lead. One step at a time.
Are you ready to chase your joy wherever it may lead?
I hope what’s helped me better identify my joy – and subsequently my goals and dreams- helps you do the same. As Howard Thurman once said: “Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” So, go on. Come alive.
- What dreams or goals have changed for you in the past decade?
- What has remained the same?
- Where is your joy leading you?
Tell me in the comments!